Who’s telling your story? Take back control and own your voice
Are you “baulking” at some of your actions plans this year? somehow not quite doing what you committed to doing, and therefore not achieving the goals you set?
It’s time to change the story.
So we went into 2020 (or are still going into 2020!!) with goals, dreams, hopes
for the life you want, and especially the speaking you want.
Maybe you set them this year.
Maybe they are a continuation of aims that you had last year,
aims that you set about putting into practice.
And again this year, as the year progresses, the goals and dreams and hopes are transformed into plans
and those become actions,
the things we have committed to doing,
the story of your day by day actions and behaviours.
Maybe you decided that you would walk or exercise so many times, or for so many minutes per day or week.
Maybe you decided you would start speaking up at team meetings.
Maybe you decided to eat more greens at every dinner this year,
or that you would get in front of more audiences of prospective buyers or clients for your business.
Goals, dreams, hopes and actions.
And sometimes over the months, you succeeded. It felt good. It felt like progress
and it was.
A feeling of pride in yourself, of growth and expansion, of freedom.
And sometimes over the months, you did not put those plans into action.
You baulked.
Baulk is a word I don’t use much these days. It reminds me of my pony-riding days when the pony would baulk at a fence, or baulk and refuse to cross a stream.
She was stubborn and I was no horse-woman. So while I certainly intended to go over the fence or cross the stream, while I had told myself the story of crossing over to that part of the paddock,
that pony, “Midget” by name because she came up to the withers of my father’s horse, I suppose,
told a completely different story.
“Nope, we’re not crossing that obstacle, not now.”
Not my story,
the horse’s story.
Her voice.
Her story.
And THAT was the action we took.
So who was telling your story?
Those times when you baulked at the opportunity
to advance your career,
get that promotion,
by speaking up at the team meeting,
when you turned down the opportunity to grow your business by speaking about it to potential customers,
were not necessarily any lack on your part, of commitment or ability or inspiration.
They may have been the reason, but
perhaps someone else was telling your story.
Was it your family?
Somewhere along the line, maybe it was made clear that “we don’t do public speaking in this family”.
Understandable. Belonging to a tribe is vital for us, those early attachments made in childhood can feed our future stories forever. Our family and its culture is a strong influence.
Was it a teacher/coach/mentor?
I think it’s normal for all of us to remember criticism more than we remember praise. If someone was giving you feedback and it was not properly presented, you may have perceived a negative judgement, of not only your speaking but also yourself as a person.
Understandable. Not all coaches/teachers/mentors are skilled at feedback. No-one is immune to remembering only the negative. It’s our basic survival mechanism. Look for threats before you enjoy the safety.
Was it someone aiming to hurt or take you down?
There are certainly people who will laugh at misfortune and rub it in. There are those who resent success and will undermine it.
Again, our tribe, our peers, our classmates or team-mates are vital to our survival in that social situation. Their approbation is important, and to be taken seriously.
And just as importantly, was it your inner critic telling your story?
“I’m not good enough. I’ll stay quiet.”
“It’s probably a silly thing I’ve put together. They’ll laugh.”
“Everyone else is so confident and clever. I can’t compete with that.”
So it’s time for you to take over the story.
The first step in any storytelling is to gather all the stories you need, first,
which is what we just did.
Did you answer “yes” to any of the examples above?
Of maybe you had another voice speaking for you, and governing your actions, your story.
So you found the storyteller.
The second step is always to honour that storyteller, that voice.
It’s part of you, after all, no matter where it came from – family, critic, bully or inner critic.
Acknowledge that voice.
It’s part of you. It’s OK.
The whole you can’t go forward confidently if part of you is feeling negated. It will just rise again.
So acknowledge it.
Then let that voice know to stand aside until it is needed again.
Was it your family?
Thank the family.
This time you need a new, more productive way of looking at this thing called “public speaking.”
Was it your inner critic?
Thank your inner critic.
They were keeping you safe. Something made your unconscious self think it needed to be safe, so those voices came to the fore to protect you.
When you know you will be safe (have prepared as much as possible for success,) then you can thank those voices and remind them that you are prepared for anything that might be challenging, and ask them to move back so you can be confident.
Then re-tell your success story, the one you set up when you set your goals and hold that feeling of safety and confidence.
Was it the bullies or the thoughtless, feedback?
Thank the bullies and the givers of feedback.
And then,
now that you are in control of the story,
you can make a choice.
Either accept their information and find ways to improve,
or accept that those people had their own issues that have nothing to do with your success.
You can see that this is you taking back the voice of your story,
making it your own,
you, the voice of your speaking story
your life,
your 2020.
And you can jettison the shame in your lack of progress,
the tight feeling of not moving forward,
and reclaim feeling good, feeling progress.
Bring back the feeling of pride in yourself, of growth and expansion, of freedom.
This article has been about storytelling to create a mindset – a new way of looking at storytelling for many of us.
It’s the stories we tell to ourselves, about ourselves, about how we will move forward day by day, week by week, year by year, that decide what we will do, who we will be, how we will feel and what we will achieve.
They choose our means of dealing with life,
give meaning to our dreams and goals.
I have been using this way of looking forward, of building resilience, of coping with challenges for several years now, and though I am learning huge amounts, I also love what it can do for myself and my clients as they move to tell their stories and use storytelling to create change for themselves and for others.
So while the article today has been about storytelling for mindset, if you have a presentation coming up and would like to know that you have the elements of success embedded and ready to go, (or have other mindset issues!) please let me know and we can work out a way for you to ensure that the preparation is complete. – that you can be confident AND effective.
Just fill in your details here.
